wide eyed & wasted

lieb_jameel @ 2004-12-14T21:12:00

2004-12-15T02:13:24Z

shooooooters. tomorrow night. be there or BE SQUARE!

(psst...my brother's band is playing!)

anyone will do tonight

2004-12-11T19:43:16Z

dear long legs,

BECOME SHORTER.

this whole 37/38" inseam is not cool anymore.

i can't remember the last time i went into a store & bought a pair of pants. hmmm, maybe it was when i was a sophomore in high school? i don't know. either way, you two suckers annoy me. why you gotta be so darn long & make it so hard for me to find pants!?

with no love,
jami

lieb_jameel @ 2004-12-07T21:51:00

2004-12-08T03:42:14Z

hmmm. it's that time again. time for an update!

so, it's finals week. ahhhhhh. actually, tomorrow is the last day of classes. but, it feels like finals have already started. i had an intermediate accounting test today. it was horrid. it was, quite possibly, the hardest test i have ever taken in my entire life. it only covered three chapters. but, there were sixteen pages to the test. i worked on it from 9:30 to 1 pm. the prof made us wrap things up around 1. i had to head off to cost anyways. i didn't even finish. oh well. she's a fair grader.

i'm coming home monday! it'll be nice once this semester is over. but, next semester is gonna be...eh, interesting. i have american music over interterm.

okay, enough about school.

my little jeffro turned 18 on the 26th. i feel so old :\

i want another tattoo. as if two isn't enough already!?

i've decided what i want to do with my life. i want to be a tax lawyer.

i want to move somewhere warm after i graduate. i've discovered that florida tech has a masters accounting program. then again, i am sure usc (uni socal) has a masters accounting program. (ack, school again...)

i have this incredible craving for broccoli & cheese soup. mmmmm.

my new years resolution (haha. this crap already!) is to start working out & getting into shape. i hate exercise :\ but, i feel so much better when i'm active.

i can't find tall boots that have a small enough circumference (if that makes sense?). stupid chicken legs. even the stretchy material boots don't fit right.

i'm starting a 'german shirt' collection. i bought german shirt #2 this past weekend.

i hate not having money.

a bunch of us (eight people) are having a huge multi-course dinner here tomorrow night to celebrate the semester ending. it should be fun. i'm in charge of dessert. i'm making frozen hot chocolate.

doctor's appointment next friday to find out whether or not the doc wants to perform the surgery(ies?). more on that later though.

anyone out there really kickass at making graphics-type schtuff that wants to do me a favor?

i think i'm finally going to join myspace now that 99.9% of the people i know are on it. haha. so, if you're on there, once i finally get a profile up, we will have to be friends :D

so sexualllllll!

2004-12-03T15:23:57Z

worked up so sexual by the faint

my current addiction. too much fun!

lieb_jameel @ 2004-11-22T23:22:00

2004-11-23T04:44:23Z

so, i've been talking to adam some lately. jmu has a two-day 'music festival' (as i usually call it) called MACRoCK. awesome two days. great exposure for bands! well, i (kinda jokingly, didn't think he'd actually consider it) mentioned to adam that he should send in his band's demo. he started asking more questions. then, he said he'd be down if they could play some more shows (kinda pointless to drive across the country for 1 show). soooo, he asked if i'd set up some shows. i thought about it. not sure what i'd be getting myself into because i don't know how all that stuff works out. but, i am thinking about maybe...five additional shows in virginia? somwhere in nova, home/fredericksburg, richmond, here @ bc/harrisonburg, & somewhere down at the beach. can i make it work? i dunno! oh man. he also wants to set up as many as possible up & down the east coast. adam & i working together? this could be ugly...haha. don't worry about me. i said i was done with him. i am ;D

but, what REALLY got me excited was he imed me tonight asking if i could get his band & ANOTHER band some shows. THEN, he mentions the other band. it's this AWESOME band that i've been listening to lately. NOVICE!

listen to novice & ikarus

lieb_jameel @ 2004-11-03T15:26:00

2004-11-03T20:38:43Z

i've never voiced my opinion in my journal about the election. that's just my nature though. i did vote this year, for the first time. & i must say that...well, i am very happy with the results :D

i live with two very strong kerry fans. it's nice to walk around the house, seeing how pissed they are & smiling, without saying a word.

very good day for me & bush supporters nationwide! great election - for both parties!

that is all i am going to say. like my grandma, i don't usually talk politics. so, if you're a kerry supporter & want to leave some comments about it, asking me about my beliefs or whatever else, then go ahead. they're just going to go unanswered. & likewise with bush supporters.

time to study for cost accounting.

lieb_jameel @ 2004-10-20T09:56:00

2004-10-20T14:46:04Z

so sick, so sick of being tired. & oh so tired of being sick.
we're both such magnificant liars. so, crush me baby, i'm all ears.

i'm so tired of feeling like this. feeling like there's nothing to be happy about. feeling like as soon as i take one step forward, i'm pushed back two steps. feeling like...there's no point to my existance. & yeah, call me dramatic. but, i'm just...fed up. i'm tired of being let down. or, shall i say, tired of getting my hopes up. i'm looking for hope in the wrong places.

i called matt friday night. he answered & we chatted for a few. he told me to call him back later. so, i did. he proceeded to tell me that i am all he thinks about lately & that he misses me [yes, he was under-the-influence...apparently moreso than he seemed]. i'd pretty much accepted that he moved on & i was fine with that. well, i had this letter that i wrote to him. it was not an 'i miss you' sorta letter. it was simply a 'here's the update on me' sorta letter. i was supposed to give it to him thursday. but, we missed one another that day. i decided then that i wasn't gonna give it to him. well, friday...yeah. & i decided to give it to him anyway. i gave it to him yesterday morning & his wished me luck on my cost test. well, he called me last night & was like, 'there's something i wanted to tell you before you gave me the letter because it might affect whether or not you want me to read it. but, i did not want to upset you before your test'. so, he then proceeded to tell me that he's seeing someone. & that's okay. i am fine with that. it doesn't really upset me. well, it does in the sense that...i'd moved forward before friday. & he said what he said. & it set me back. made me more vulnerable. broke me down.

i really thought that...this was gonna be it. this was gonna be the thing that brought me out of my stupid rut. i had hope that matt & i were gonna open the lines of communication again. i was gonna have someone i cared a lot about at one point in time back in my life. i mean, that's a refreshing thought right there. & i was just so...happy at the thought of that.

but, here i am. fucking miserable with life. fucking miserable with myself. i know there are people with greater problems than mine. there are people that don't know whether or not they're gonna eat today & there are people that are fighting overseas. there are people fighting cancer, looking death in the face. & my problems seem so petty when thrown in that light. but, i just really don't know how much more i can take.

i need fulfillment. i need...something.

i've lost my grandma. i'm scared that i'm gonna lose my best friend. the paranoia keeps me from sleeping at night sometimes. i'm dealing with the break-up with matt now, nearly five months later. i felt fortunate during the summer because...it didn't really affect me. but, yeah. first week back to school, back to the place that reminds me of him, i was a mess. & then, grandma died that friday. i'm not doing as well in my classes as i'd like to be doing. i just feel so lost.

i have great friends who love me & understand me & comfort me. i have a wonderful housemate who tells me almost every day that i am pretty [which is just one of those little things that means a lot]. she's there to listen & she's the last person to pass judgment. i woke up this morning & there was a pretty, inspirational letter on my door. thank you, ally <3 i love you! i mean, there's comfort in knowing that i have so many people around me that love me. there's comfort in knowing that i have a loving family that i can turn to.

but, it's not enough. & i feel like a bitch for saying that. i wish i had a faith. i mean, i know people turn to their faiths during hard times. but, yeah.

i just want to be happy. i'm tired of working for it too. i'm not happy. i have moments in time where i am happy. but, they're temporary. i love my girls here. i can't imagine being completely alone at a time like this.

sigh

ginny [right] & me [left]. guess what we are!

my roomie & me.

we're famous around bridgewater now.

lieb_jameel @ 2004-10-12T19:30:00

2004-10-13T03:16:30Z

fall break was much needed.

saturday: i got up & brandon was over. so, he, jeffro, & i went to fredericksburg so brandon could get some clothes for homecoming. he bought us lunch...which was super sweet :) uhm, we came home. i got online for a bit & decided that i'd run to warrenton to pick up some h2ocean cleaning stuff [which is AMAZING, btw!]. and, well...i ended up getting a piercing :/ the guy who did it remembered my tattoo. there was a girl there who wanted her tragus done, but was super scared. she came back & watched me get my piercing done [even though i didn't get my tragus done]. we started talking about tats & he was like, 'oh yeah! you have that starry design on your bottom!'. haha. i was like, 'yeahhh. that's me!' easy piercing. around six or so, i headed over to katie's house to take pics of her and jeffro <3 katie was so beautiful & jeffro was so handsome!

sunday: uhmmm, i got up & went to church with my mom for its homecoming. i sat in the back with my grandnight because he is the sound dude. haha. he was telling me how he was gonna be responsible for this expensive system they're getting soon. he's so cute! we cried the whole time. i cried when he started crying. just a big ol mess! this lady, jolene, i believe, came forward during the prayer invitational period [i don't know what to call it] & said she'd take over my grandma's spot. my grandma coordinated the senior activities. that sent all of us [my family] into a fit of tears. the shock has worn off & the reality of everything is setting in. :( later that afternoon, we went to my aunt & uncle's house for dinner. my momma's 44th birthday is tomorrow. so, my aunt [anna] wanted to make her dinner. it was nice :)

monday: i slept in. talked to craigy a bit online & then headed over to visit with my grandnight. i stayed there for a couple of hours. he asked me if i'd go on the computer & do their email. he never fooled with the computer so he's kinda lost. he was like, 'i might have to take a class for this thing!'. he wanted me to put a picture on the background because the other one somehow disappeared. we put the windows autumn picture on there. i then told him that he could have ANY picture he wanted as a background. and, then i was like, 'EVEN A JOHN DEERE TRACTOR!' & his eyes lit up. haha. it was too cute! he seemed to like that idea. i came home & did a few accounting problems. brie & i went out for some ice cream around seven or so. yummy!

today: i got up this morning & got my shit together. i left the house around 12:30 or so. i started a load of laundry & ginny got back. she was like, 'i'm gonna get my nipple pierced this week!'. so, i suggested we go today. leah got back just then. we hopped in my car & went over to the place. she wanted us to go back with her. so, we watched her get her nipple pierced. it was cool & she took it like a champ! we went out to eat [cracker barrel] for dinner. DELICIOUS. since then, i've been procrastinating. you know how that goes!

awww. katie looks so beautiful here <3

we didn't know how to tie a tie.

we [katie's mom] & i couldn't see them when taking pics. COMPLETE shot in the dark. haha.

the black hair brings out his blue eyes. i have the cutest little brother EVER!

i don't know why he can't smile. gorgeous miss katieeee shortcake<3

annie looks sad.

hot new piercing!

pinky was violated during fall break. poor horse!

all these karats like i'm a fucking vegetarian...

2004-10-06T14:42:38Z

i love this song. not what i normally listen to. but - we all should step outside of our boxes once in awhile :D

school: my intermediate test didn't turn out so bad afterall. haha. i ended up getting the same grade on it as i did on my cost accounting test [with the curve, of course]. i really want a's in my accounting classes. internship people pay really close attention to your first part of intermediate grade. i reallllllly want this one internship with the sec. it's an honors business program that would look REALLY awesome on a resume. wish me luck. i need it! [i just used 'really' a lot...] i think i have like...two more gen eds left. a lit class & a philosophy/religion class. the ex had southern lit last year & when he told me about it, i was extremely interested. william faulkner & flannery o'connor are two of my favorite authors. well - i guess the class wasn't all that popular & they decided not to offer it this year? i'm thinking about contacting the prof & asking if i can do an independent study sorta deal next semester. *crosses fingers* and - i am thinking about taking a philosophy/religion class over the summer. we'll see!

this past weekend was homecoming weekend. our club [the outdoorsmen club!] won first place in the float contest/parade! our football team won! the school set off some fireworks! it was awesomeeee <3

i've been missing my grandma a lot lately. like, knowing that she isn't going to come over here to visit me, knowing that i won't receive little random cards in my mail from her [always with a little spending money], knowing that we will never have a coconut cake quite as good as hers ever again, knowing that i won't receive those giant grandma hugs where she always squeezed a little too hard & those kisses where she grabbed our faces & laid them right on us, knowing that i'll never hear that crackly singing voice, knowing that i will never see her grab jeff & rog [her two big boys] into hugs [even though jeff towered over her] & knowing that i will never again see the pride on her face when she watched the two of them play music together...gosh, it all just hits me so hard that none of those things will ever happen again. never again will she tell me i am beautiful. never again will i hear how proud she is of me. never again will i hear, 'don't rush off' or 'i have the most beautiful grandbabies!'. never again will i have dillweed dip made by her experienced hands. cookouts will never be the same. halloween, thanksgiving, & christmas will never be the same. i don't see how any of us can move forward when she became what we all relied on to prosper. a greater person never walked this planet. i don't see how i will even make it without her. being away from home helps me escape the reality of the situation. but - when i am at home or even when i am on the phone with my mom, it all just hits like a ton of bricks. i want her back. i want everything i had before september second back. it all just hurts so much.

sigh

i need a shower. <3 to everyone.

p.s. i miss home & jeffro

:(

lieb_jameel @ 2004-10-03T18:08:00

2004-10-03T22:15:23Z

country music makes me happy. makes me remember my childhood [even though i still feel like a kid]. makes me think of the country boy i used to date :\

but - i think this little thingy about virginians is way cool! thanks punkrawkpudd!

You Know You're From Virginia When...

Speed limits are just suggestions

You have at least two friends who have no idea what their relatives do...because its "top secret" government work

Most of your senior class went to Mason, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain

You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern," "central," or "southern" in front of it (See above.)

It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

You know yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through. (Yeah, man...at least. Probably also happens everywhere else.) A red light means 2 more can.

You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for.

Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are not, under any circumstances, a "southerner"

You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington, DC

You took a field trip to Williamsburg as a kid

You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English

You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag

An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of school

All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience

Crown Victoria = undercover cop

Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro.

They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new McMansions in its place

For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa

If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have three new names.

You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor

"Vacation" means spending a day at King's Dominion or Busch Gardens.

"Going to the River" means any stream with water.

You have never been served tea without the waitress asking "sweet or unsweetened?"

Your favorite past time is telling West Virginia jokes.

Anyone who can't trace his or her ancestry back to at least four generations in Virginia is an outsider.

"Going to the beach" means anywhere from Ocean City to Virginia Beach to Myrtle Beach.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Virginia.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

lieb_jameel @ 2004-09-28T18:48:00

2004-09-28T23:45:31Z

i do like this song. it was my favorite one when i was at their practice. if you're on myspace.com, check out ikarus under the bands section & listen to it. i'm too nice.

school blows.

i had a cost accounting test last week. it went pretty well. i had an intermediate accounting test today. uhm, it royally screwed me in the ASS. but, everyone else in the class felt that way too [we all have cost after intermediate together]. money & banking...ew. tuesday & thursdays suck. yeah, i'm bored with this topic too. moving on...

my momma came this weekend :D my bedding to match my paint finally came in. i finished painting the 'accent stars', as i call them. so pretty! there's some pics down below. so, you can tell me what you think!

i went down to uva on friday. duke & i went out to eat with his parents & brother. 'twas fun! we had these humungous pieces of carrot cake. AMAZING! then, we came back up here & hung out all weekend <3 we helped [he did mostly] my mom with her test for her math class. she's going back to school. i am so proud of her! cheesy moment! i took him back on sunday & then came back here. went on half of a hike [because i am horridly OUT OF SHAPE!] & came back for a 'picnic'. it was fun. some people played chubby bunny. tooooo funny!

greg, one of the guitarists in jeffro's band, imed me today. he cracks me up. he slept in my bed [because they practice at my house sometimes] and...

greg: you're really tall, i went to try on your pants in your drawer
greg: and like with the bottom of your pants at the ground, the waist was at my chest

great stuff.

i had a dream last night that katie, my brother's girlfriend, was pregnant. she hid it very well for a long time. but, yeah. i felt her belly. and, it was so cute. everyone was upset at first [her parents & my parents], but we all got over it. i woke up happy. but, it was so weird.

okay. well, i am wrapping this up because i am boring myself. haha <3

big wall. pretty?

bedding matches! oh yeah, jeffro made that little pillow for me <3 i love my brother!

so i can see my grandma every day <3 i miss her so much :(

started playing around with my digital camera the other day. my curly hair. argh.

new jeans. or camwhore. you choose.

this turned out cool. well, i thought it did.

greg. to put a face with a name :)

lieb_jameel @ 2004-09-19T16:05:00

2004-09-19T20:49:11Z

i changed the layout of my journal. i like these colors. pretty, pretty!

i've been doing homework all weekend long. yes, i am a loser. but, i didn't exactly get off to a good start this year. therefore, i have been a bit behind. if i see one more c-v-p analysis problem, i will shoot myself.

my schedule:
monday, wednesday, & friday
9 am - us history before 1877
2 pm - management science

tuesday & thursday
8 am - money & banking
11 am - intermediate accounting 1
12:30 pm - cost accounting

i had a dream the other night. he told me he didn't love me anymore + i woke up in a panic. it's funny because one of the more recent conversations we've had, i pretty much felt like that was what he was telling me. he wasn't telling me that. that was made clear, i think. but, that feeling has been lingering since. not fun.

i spent the second half of my summer with an awesome boy <3 we'd stay out until the wee hours of the morning at the lake near his home. talking for hours upon hours. some nights, we'd venture down to the bridge. we'd listen to the bullfrogs. we'd lay out a blanket + watch the stars. we'd always come home with a million bug bites. he bought me dinners. he bought me flowers. he went with me to the hospital @ six o'clock in the morning for a ct scan i had to get done. he's just become this amazing friend that i love + am so thankful for <3

i have a sty. it is way nasty. well, it was way nasty. it's gone down. the infection's out of it, i think. but, there's still a sac there. i'm thinking i'm gonna have to make a visit to mr. eye doctor + get this sucker drained. gosh, i hope so.

healed rook. i love this piercing. i'm kinda itching to do something else now...

lieb_jameel @ 2004-09-19T01:10:00

2004-09-19T05:19:44Z

taking steps back through the words i should have said to you
they all got lost, you went away
well, i feel sick & you just don't care anymore (anymore)
i wish to be with you, minutes of me & you
and i can't feel this happening
so tie my hands back & make me feel you coming down
& you don't care
your face is on a billboard & you're everywhere
you don't care much for interviews

YOU'RE GONE, YOU'RE GONE AWAY

if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay

it's hard to wave goodbye from aeroplanes
when i just don't think that you can see
i taper off &
say it's never worth the pain

a phone call from l.a.'s my present...

i can't imagine all the people that you know...

2004-09-11T23:12:39Z

i'm very good at writing novel-length entries - but, i will try my best to avoid doing that.

since my last entry, we've had the viewing + funeral for my grandma. all of it was simply beautiful. there was a constant stream of people at her viewing. it was from seven to nine pm on monday night. my grandma touched so many people. there were two lines coming into the main room [where we were] at the funeral home from the lobby. people had to wait in line nearly 45 minutes to come up to her casket. amazing. the funeral home put together a slideshow of some sort with pics of my grandma. the pics were put to music + there was this touching poem at the end [which i will get a copy of]. the pastor's wife told me that she thought of me when she looked at my favorite pic of my grandma, her prom pic. that sent me into a fit of tears. that pic is under the cut. beautifulllll.

the funeral was tuesday at one pm. again, there were a lot of people there. i held it together throughout most of the funeral. well - except for when my grandnight went up to my grandma before we let people in. he just bowed down over her casket + held her as best as he could, crying, + telling her that he didn't want to let her go. whew. the tears just started a-flowing. the pastor gave everyone the opportunity to get up + say something. so - a bunch of people got up + spoke. ashley [rog's gf] got up + spoke about the first time she met my grandma. ashley went to shake my grandma's hand + grandma pulled her into a hug, saying something to the effect of, 'i/we don't shake hands...i/we hug'. i hadn't prepared anything - but, i wanted to get up + say something.

i mentioned that i hadn't prepared anything + that i wasn't good with words or speaking in front of a large group of people for that matter [but that grandma never cared about those sort of things]. i spoke on behalf of the other grandkids by saying that she was the best grandma anyone could ever imagine up. she was so accepting. hmmm. then - i mentioned how she acted when jeff + i got our piercings. how she really didn't react. she didn't like that sort of stuff, but she accepted us regardless. then - i dropped the bomb. haha. i looked up + said, 'well, grandma...i guess you now know that i have two tattoos...please don't be too disappointed'. the whole room started laughing. i mentioned how grandma would always be like, 'now jami...don't go + do something like that to yourself' + i'd have to sit there, knowing i'd already done it to myself. i said something about my heart going out to my cousins...because...they hadn't had as much time with her as i did [20 years]. i think i told everyone to think of her each day. i think i sat down at that point.

i went home yesterday to scan some pics of my grandma that were in the slideshow [gonna make something that i can hang up on my wall here at school]. leah came with me. good times. we got up this morning + went over to my grandparents' house. we had cake, cookies, + oj for breakfast there. haha. healthy! my mom asked if i had seen what was left beside my grandma's rocker. i hadn't. so - went into the livingroom + she had been working on my blanket :( she always makes us blankets + she wanted to know what colors to make my next one. well - orange, pink, + yellow was the scheme. yeah. definitely started crying when i saw it, unfinished.

we came back to the house + jeff's band was over [along with another band]. i think they were all just gonna fuck around outside. a bunch of kids came over + it was a mini-bbq of sorts. i took some pics + vids + then leah + i left. good times.

grandma + grandnight @ grandma's prom :D she's like...17. he's 22ish. how freakin' GORGEOUS is she!?

fuzzy, but my g-rents @ sea!

looking at these pics make me happy :D

so in love <3 my grandma is so beautiful here!

i always loved that outfit on grandma :) such a beautiful person.

onto the band...

tornado came through + knocked down the fence. we're just not a lucky family lately.

she will be missed.

2004-09-06T03:12:01Z

if you're not in the mood for a downer, don't read this.

a week ago today, my grandmother was perfectly fine. friday, sometime after three pm, she passed away. i received a phone call sometime thursday after five pm. it was my dad telling me that my grandmother was at mary washington hospital. her brain was bleeding. i didn't know any details + had to wait until my mother called me after dinner to find out exactly what was going on. the bleeding was too serious for mw hospital to take care of. they medivaced [sp?] her to uva medical center. i also learned later on that the bleeding was in the center of her brain + that it was inoperable. my mom called me while she was driving down to c-ville. this whole time, i am under the impression that my grandma was going to be okay. while on the phone with craig, my best friend, my mom calls. i asked her what things would be like once grandma made it out of the coma she was in. she hesitated. but, eventually made it pretty clear to me that things did not look good. she told me she probably wouldn't call me until the next day. i'm borderline hysterical at this point. i try to sleep. i finally get up at 12:30 am + decide to drive down to charlottesville. i make it there around two am + make my way through security + all that junk. i come into the waiting room where my family, the pastor of my grandparents' church, + a family from the church are. everyone starts crying. i crawled up next to my grandnight* + just cried with him, on his shoulder. duke ended up showing up around 2:30 or so. maybe later. i don't know. his dorm was a mile + one half down the street. he came to be my support even though he had classes the next day. he went through some trouble with security. he didn't know my grandmother's name, so they wouldn't let him up. a security guard finally asked what my name was + it all matched up. so - he walked duke up to us.

i don't remember what came first - seeing duke or seeing my grandma. my mom took me back to see her. she didn't want me to. but - i had to. she was laying there, hooked up to life support. i'm crying the whole time, of course. i come back into the waiting room with everyone. the doctors would make rounds between six + eight am, so we'd know more then. well - nine am rolls around + the doctor is ready to meet us in a conference room. it was me, my mom, my grandnight, my aunt + her husband [rog's parents], + my uncle danny. he says that there's really no chance for survival for her. there was nothing they could do for her. not only did she suffer a brain hemorrhage, but she suffered a stroke at some point + a heart attack during the night. she was completely brain dead + the only thing working for her was her heart. but - that'd give out without life support. my grandnight broke down + it was hardest thing i've ever had to watch in my whole life. we all decided that some would go home + get rest + come back down. we'd also give other family the opportunity to come down + say goodbye to her. my mom + i decided to stay - which ended up being the best decision i've ever made. we sat with my grandma in the nnicu from that point on. i just held her hand + talked to her. i rubbed her arm + watched her face. i couldn't pull myself away from her. i didn't want to. her nurses were absolutely amazing. there was a point where her heart started to race + they had to give her something to bring it down. but - as an adverse effect, it caused her blood pressue to drop. very low. and - my mom was forced to make the decision whether or not to give her something for that. it was a scary moment. the nurse literally had to take ahold of my mom + tell her that she had to make a decision fast. finally, things calmed down + she was stabilized. my mom left to use the restroom + i had some alone time with my grandma. no one was there except me + her. i held + stroked her hand + spoke to her. i cried on her. i'm very happy i had those moments with her.

my other family members finally made it back [i had to call them + tell them to come back because we weren't sure how much longer she could hold on]. my brother + dad were the last to show. it was just heart-wrenching to watch all of my little cousins. being the oldest grandchild, i feel like i have the responsibility of seeing them through all of this. i went around to each one [six of them ranging in age of seventeen to nine] + hugged them tightly + told them to be strong. it tore me up to watch jeff + rog cry. well, it did to watch all of them. but - i dunno. we all left while they took her off life support. she passed away within minutes of them unhooking her. we all came back in + said our goodbyes. i just didn't want to leave her. i'd say my goodbye...but, then i'd come back + hold her hand + kiss her cheek again. my final time doing this, my grandnight came right up by me, crying, saying, 'i'm losing my buddy of 48 years' + that broke my heart. their anniversary is on the 13th, i believe.

the ironic thing about her death is that it happened on my aunt sheila's 47th birthday [my grandma's first child. my mom is the second.]. sheila died back in '91 [september 19th], i believe, from complications of juvenile diabetes. so - we kind of like to think that sheila was getting her birthday present, my grandma. maybe it's foolish to think that way, but it makes us feel better.

so - there's my long, drawn-out story. she is the most amazing person ever. she is the most selfless person you'd ever meet. she loves everyone. doesn't matter where you come from, what you do, or who you are. she just has this thing about her that touches everyone she comes into contact with. she has a smile that lights up a room. she's a good christian. she accepted Christ into her heart + lived by His word. she's going to be missed. but - i had twenty amazing years with her + i look forward to the day that i will see her again.

forgive me if you believe i am being dramatic. but - these past four days have just been...crazy. losing your grandmother in a matter of 24 hours hits hard. like a hurricane you haven't prepared for.

madeline pritchett way
august 21, 1939 - september 3, 2004

*my 'grandnight' is my grandfather. when i was two or so, i was trying to say, 'we're going to grandpa's tonight' [or something to that effect] + i pushed it all together + somehow 'grandnight' came out. so, i have called him that since. and - since i am the oldest, all the other grandkids have too.

i miss youuuuuuuu.

2004-08-23T19:52:23Z

yessss. i have done absolutely nothing today. except talk to greg. he's gonna make me a new layout. HOTTTTNESS.

ew. i have to start cleaning my room + making a list of shit i need to buy before i head back to school. i am excited to go back + see my friends. we have a very cute house. it's so tiny + just...adorable! i'm going over to bh2o thursday to paint. i bought this hot starry sponge from lowe's. oh my. our room is gonna be so awesome :D i have to wait until the end of september to get my bedding though. comforter + sheets were on backorder :(

i got my hair did saturday morning. my regular cut + highlight [gotta do it every three months, you know]. i attempted to take some pics because my new 'bangs' are hot. the lighting in my room is horrid. i have to put a t-shirt over my light so my face isn't like...white. haha. my hair lady, birgit, is from germany [as i've probably mentioned before]. well - her achtzehn Jahre alt niece aus deutschland is here for sechs Wochen. she wanted her [janine] to meet me. she told her i spoke german. she figured i could take janine around to do things that she probably wouldn't. anyways - birgit invited me over to her house saturday afternoon. they were having a bbq + house blessing. so - i met janine. it was rad. birgit's friend, maria, who is also from germany, was there. she, birgit, + janine were speaking german + i was so lost. haha. the only thing i understood was 'ins Kino' [which is the movies/theater, i guess]. wow. i need to live there for about three months.

i hung out with brie on fritag. she's back at school :( we got carousel milkshakes + wendys fries. delicious <3 then - we went to see 'little black book'. cute movie. i think that it has some good lessons. yes. at least, as cheesy as this may sound, i took something away from it because i suck at life at times.

okay. i need to be productive + do something like...clean my room. jeffro + clay are cleaning the basement - so, i feel like a bum! i will leave you all with some pictures. meeee, clay + jeffro, drums [because i am random like that, you know], + my home at school! exciting stuff!

cute, no?

jeffro + clay cleaning!

mess up picture.

okay. got it right this time. he's flexing his muscles. hottttness.

jeffrey with a broom. hehe.

clay's showing his ass off for the camera, obviously. jeff did not want to take pics today. hrmm.

clay, however, was friendly was the camera today. obviously.

the big mirror that my daddy was planning to cut into smaller squares + kind of 'tile' on my wall. if that makes sense?

my brother has so many drumsets. he just bought a new black pearl set solely for practicing. it has black hardware, which is definitely hot. random!

pearl set

oldddd, disassembled ludwig set + double pedal

tom from his 'show' set. it's a dw. hot stuff.

oldddd tama set that's really dusty.

got some cymbals too. jeff's slowly building up his cymbal collection.

lieb_jameel @ 2004-08-14T18:34:00

2004-08-14T23:03:52Z

hmmm. i rarely update this thing. but - here i go.

not too much has been going on. i've been working. this week coming up is my last. yay! i love my kids - but, i'm ready to get back into the school thing. haha. holy shit, i'm a junior in college!

my roomies [ginny + leah] + i were originally gonna room in a triple. but - the school called us + asked us if we'd move into an honors house because they needed room for incoming freshmen. soooo - leah + i are taking a double room + ginny is taking the single room. we'll be living with five other girls. oh boy. we'll see how well this goes...

i'm thinking about getting a job this year. i figure that i could do something useful with the time i would normally spend procrastinating. i dunno. i'm on this 'save a lot of money' kick. my class load will be a little heavy [intermediate AND cost accounting! toughies :\]. but - i think i can do it? i'm just tired of being a lazy ass. haha. i need to challenge myself.

i also plan to work out AT LEAST three times a week this year. hah. that SO is not gonna happen. but - i'm gonna try!

i've got a couple doctors appts. coming up in these next couple of weeks. i have to paint my side of the room at school [pink, yellow, + orange star theme. hah. trendy :D ] i've got to buy some jeans. yikes :\ wish me luck. haha. i need to do some shopping for food + things for my room. exciting stuff :D

aside from getting ready for school, i'm just gonna try to enjoy these last two weeks at home. life is okay at the moment. it's been better. i hate growing up + growing apart from my dear best friends. it dawned on me that i haven't seen sallie since january. that's crazy. really crazy. and - not right. craig has a girlfriend. so - we rarely talk or even hang out. we've hung out three times all summer. so sad :( well - in the year + two months that we've been friends, we haven't really spent a lot of time together. i guess i just miss the closeness.

i got a dozen pink roses yesterday from duke just because i was having a bad day. how sweet?!

how cute are my brother + his girlfriend!? p.s. i borrowed this from keeley. thank you!

tattoo.

2004-07-25T14:45:27Z

i got my tattoo yesterday. my bum still hurts. but - it turned out exactly like the picture. i love it <3 i just hate waiting to see what it REALLY turns out like [i hate the whole healing process!]. craigy took a few pics during the process. i'm gonna wait until it heals up all the way before i post a pic of the 'final product'. haha. but - i will post some pics during the process. i had to edit out my ass crack because...well - not attractive. haha. it took an hour + 45 minutes. wasn't bad at all. the closer he got to my waist/hip, the more it hurt. but - overall, NOT BAD :D i took it like a champ! jess was there too. she's so great! i almost forgot i was getting a tattoo at times because...it was so easy + craig + jess were just totally cool :D good times <3

so yeah. craig + i were driving to the tattoo place. and - wow. i found out something amazing that i did not know. so amazing that it totally calmed my nerves. and - i must say that...he is the most amazing person i know. i just can't put into words how much he means to me. gah, i love him.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA on TUESDAY :D my flight leaves around 8:30 in the morning. i'll get there close to 11 [cali time]. i'll meet up with my mom at the rental car place + we'll probably go to manhatten beach from there. she knows of this really good pub or something that we can grab a bite to eat at. we're gonna do a little shopping. then - we'll head back + check into our hotel room [HILTON! heck yeah!]. hopefully i'll see adam after his class! yayyyy :D i dunno what else is going on though! i leave on friday around 1:30 - so, i hope i get a lot in! so excitedddd.

okay - must get ready to go to fredericksburg for some shopping! my tattoo was $100 cheaper than i thought it would be! yay!

helllllll yeah.

2004-07-23T01:08:32Z

booked my flight to californiaaaa :D i didn't think it would work out -- but it so did! my mom came home + told me that she definitely was going out there tuesday to friday [of next week]. i tried to 'customize' a flight on united.com so i could be on the same flights as my mom -- but, the ticket ended up being $1300+. i was talking to adam at the same time + i remarked that it didn't look like the trip was a go. well -- he did a little searching himself + found a flight for $304 on american airlines! [i think he was sad! awww! haha.] he has the 26th - 28th off from work. yayyy! he was gonna pick me up from the airport -- but, he has a class. so -- my momma is gonna catch an earlier flight out so we can land around the same time + i can catch a bus to the rental car place. gahhhh. life is so effin good right now. tattoo on saturday. then this! i'm so happy :D

i'm sure i will run into some trouble SOMEWHERE though. haha. my luck only lasts for so long...

lieb_jameel @ 2004-07-19T20:28:00

2004-07-20T00:57:51Z

updateeeee.

not that there's much to update you folks about.

i went down to cnu this weekend. brie + i went to the beach [sandbridge <3] on saturday. 'twas a lot of fun! i didn't wanna leave. her apartment is amazing + i am super jealous. fuck bridgewater college. i can't wait to be done with that place.

i can't wait to see my girls though. they make that place bearable.

tattoo on saturday. it's gonna be hot. craigy's gonna cater to my every need... :D i'm thinking...MINT CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE from carousel. mmm! amazing! haha. i'm seriously paranoid that i am gonna pass out. i know what to expect. i just have this weird feeling. haha. mmmm! MINT CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE...

california next week maybe hopefully please god...? i still don't know what the deal is. i know i can take off from work. my mother still doesn't have confirmation on dates. i am so gonna be paying out of the ass for my plane ticket. oh well. i will get to see adam + kevin [hopefully] :D two lovelies!

i went tanning with miss katie shortcake this afternoon. she's adorable. i love her. i doooo. we stopped at the grocery store [had to get milk!] + i remembered clay was working. we chatted with him for a bit. i love clay. he's great.

i'll have pics from saturday to post next. yay!

...there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade...

2004-07-08T12:08:06Z

dropped the tattoo drawing off + made an appointment for the 24th of this month. so excited. soo soo very excited! he said it'd take close to three hours to do + cost around $250-300 [which is totally awesome! i've noticed an average of $100 per hour + that may change depending on whether or not color's involved!].

trip to california - well, it's moved :( but - hopefully i will know more soon :) it's still on. i just don't know for when! haha. sooo excited. i NEED a vacation from my job. haha.

water play day @ work! yay :D

time to get ready for work. ew!

and - you are beautiful. but - you don't mean a thing to me...

2004-07-07T02:36:02Z

updateeeeeee!

yeah - i suck at these things. but - hey! here's one! a long one! you are so the coolest person ever if you actually read this... :D

i hope everyone had a rad [and safe] fourth of july weekend. mine was awesome. we had a little get-together/cook-out at our house on saturday + jeffro's band played. i made some vids of them :D rog's [my cousin + bassist] gf drew me up my next tattoo. omg! it's amazing! but - more on that later! sunday, we went over to my cousins' house [landon, ryan, + daniel...they have a house together!]. haha. they had THREE x-box-es hooked up, playing HALO. i've never seen such madness in my life. oh yeah - miss katie shortcake [jeffro's gf] came with us. she's so cute + i have pics of them in the car. i love her! we watched some really pretty fireworks there. clay [ryan's best friend] bought some illegal ones in south carolina. haha. so - we were on the lookout for cops! monday, i went to fair oaks [mall]. that was a trip. i've never driven there by myself. i got there fine...but - the signs to 66 were covered up on my way back. and - well...i was lost for uhm...awhile. i had to return some jeans that i ordered online to the gap. THEY WERE PLAYING PYT! not long enough :( 38" inseam, MY ASS! *ahem* i ended up getting a couple pairs of jean capris + a couple of shirts somewhere else. i went into manassas + made a copy of what ashley [rog's gf] drew up to take to the tattoo place. i want the original!

about the tattoo - wow. it's so beautiful. i've only shown it to a couple of people so far. but - everyone loves it! ashley was telling me that she would love to be a tattoo artist. she would be so awesome. i'm going to the place tomorrow to drop off the picture of it for mike [tattoo guy]. maybe get a price. i got paid today. i'm hoping it won't be too much. but - the tat has a lot of vivid colors. so - who knows!?

i bunny-sat all weekend! we have a pet bunny at work in my classroom <3 it only has one eye. it's named thumper [we don't know its sex...haha]. i took some pics of it when it was hopping around my room. TOO CUTE!

uhm - what else? oh yeah. i may be going out to los angeles at the end of this month! i always say that, i know. but - this time it seems like the odds are in my favor. i won't know for sure until it gets closer to the proposed date. [my mom travels for business...so - plans are always changing!] but - so far, things look good. my mom wants me to go with her [so long as adam's there! haha!]. and - i've already spoken to my boss. so - *crosses fingers*!

my life is pretty boring right now. as you can see! all i do is work! my co-workers are awesome! well - most of them. haha. the lead teacher in the schoolagers' room has all of the little girls thinking i am a model. she seems to think i am 'model material'. lameeee. so - the girls call me 'miss model material lady jami' + they're always like, 'why aren't you at work, modeling!?' silly girls. but - they're sweet. anyone who knows me knows i am far from 'model material'.

okay. i'm tired. so - i will leave y'all with pics of the bunny [it's SO cute!] + jeffro + katie!

okay - so there are like...a million pics of the bunny. i can't help it. it's so cute :D [sorry they're so big. i hit a wrong button on my camera + now i am too lazy to fix the pics!]

thumper likes up-close + personal shots

one-eyed thumper

this picture is just too cute!

aww!

posing with the skirt, straightener, + diffuser. haha.

lovely!

CHOKE ON THIS.

2004-06-21T12:20:16Z

i don't wanna go to work. bleh :x

proof that i am a perfect angel... O:) okay - just kidding!

how beautiful is my brother!? awww :) jami = awesome sister! why!? i got jeffro permission to get his ears done from mom!

haha. hit a bump in the road + messed up!

hehe. i love my brother <3

i love this picture!

...all was hopeless in this home...

2004-06-13T18:51:47Z

cool flyer for jeffro's [and the rest of the guys in 'a night on the town' - rog, greg, + clay] show on thursday night

please come check it out.

i love this song.

2004-05-23T03:36:09Z

a couple things first:

1. might take awhile to load?
2. my brother + his girlfriend are the cutest couple EVER :D
3. my brother is the next...uhm, (insert famous paper mache person). haha.

greg + jeffro

greg

my awesome jeffro [who has random stuff on the bass drum...haha]

rog, my cousin! i'd just like to note that he's not gay.

all three of them :D

jeff's adorable art project! haha. a drumming dingo!

my beautiful brother :)

jeffro with his BEAUTIFUL + AMAZING girlfriend. gah. she's so freakin' gorgeous. i love you miss katie shortcake <3 [yes, jeff is like...way taller than her! haha]

i know it's not centered. the sun was a bitch. the next pic proves this!

SEE my problem!? haha.

my brother, the law breaker, parks his car in front of a fire hydrant. oh well. haha.

*sigh*